Age, is it really have restrictions? When is the limit of age.
Juan is one of those people, you know the obessed by age. I am only two years younger then him in my last semester of High School, but he makes me feel like im this 10 year old girl he is ashamed of.
Yes he has told me he was ashamed of the fact i was still in highschool, maybe not in those words but you know. He says I need to focuse on my studies instead of thinking about him all the time and talking to him. Can't he see how impossible that is when he is always on my mind? Maybe my grades have suffered a bit but thats my own doing of lack of interest and issues in my life. Could you write and Essay on a quote when your two worried about not having a place to go in two months when your father moves into an Old person trailer park? Didnt think so.
Yesturday was our 10 months, or as we put is 5/6, if you can do the math that 10 months out of 12. Even though we barley talked, it was sadly one of our better month anniversaries. We didn't fight with is only thing that made it good. Since Juan worked and I was at school. I am fully aware that our schduals will be filled with other things then us talking with him going back to in school classes in college and his work and I am taking the year off to work full time at a Zoo. I am afraid what the future holds.
The only good thing about the future is near the beining of summer Juan is paying for me to come down and see him and meet his parents, its a little nerv racking seeing how they mostly speak spanish, and I only know a few love line Juan and taught me. I only wish for the best.
Oh how i can't wait to be in his arms, stealing all his kisses and spending the night in his arms or staying up all night under the stars. Just thinking about it, takes my breath away
Love&Skittles
Friday, April 23, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Entry 4
Dear Diary;
I guess you could say, we have had alot of practise getting to know how to deal with our angry sides.
Juan and I probably do fight more then most couples, but we are also stronger then any other couple. We can start off fighting about nothing, which turns into anything in our realationship that we didnt like. Or me being my overprotective needy side coming out not wanting him to talk to a girl. We have screamed at eachother, threaten eachother and made eachother cry. But I will say this, I would never take back a single one of our fights. Its what has made us stronger, made me more confident knowing we can make it fast any fight, or issue we have to come across.
This is the man I want to marry and spend my forever with, that is one thing I know, and always will know.
Ps: finally sent Juan his game i bought him, can't wait to watch him play
I guess you could say, we have had alot of practise getting to know how to deal with our angry sides.
Juan and I probably do fight more then most couples, but we are also stronger then any other couple. We can start off fighting about nothing, which turns into anything in our realationship that we didnt like. Or me being my overprotective needy side coming out not wanting him to talk to a girl. We have screamed at eachother, threaten eachother and made eachother cry. But I will say this, I would never take back a single one of our fights. Its what has made us stronger, made me more confident knowing we can make it fast any fight, or issue we have to come across.
This is the man I want to marry and spend my forever with, that is one thing I know, and always will know.
Ps: finally sent Juan his game i bought him, can't wait to watch him play
Monday, March 8, 2010
Entry Three
Dear Diary
Today was a good day, much better then yesturday. Note the no entry. Well in the morning and the night before Juan had broken up with me, I don't take it lightly when he breaks up with me. But in the morning he said he would take me underson some conditions, 1. No more complimenting him, 2. Talk and be friends with guys again. 3. Not to hurt myself. and 4, this is the one that made me have my very first breakdown, i couldn't call him my boyfriend. After he was aware of the break down I was having he tried to calm me down. Taking the conditions away, but in my mind he didnt want me. You see Juan isn't a guy who wants to break up with me. Hes scared to loose me he acts out. Sure it's painful to deal with it but, wow I am so deep inlove for this boy it's scares me, I can't loose him. and there is one thing that keeps me hanging in there, What? thats something I just can't let out. Somethings are ment to be treasured with your heart and can't leave it.
Back to today, nothing speical even happened. I think thats what made it so great, because well.. it also ment nothing went wrong minus Juan being a little down.
I dont know what it is, but I dont feel 100% about this blogg thing. I dont know if its the fear of others reading it or what. Im sure it can only get better
Till The Next Time
nicole out
Today was a good day, much better then yesturday. Note the no entry. Well in the morning and the night before Juan had broken up with me, I don't take it lightly when he breaks up with me. But in the morning he said he would take me underson some conditions, 1. No more complimenting him, 2. Talk and be friends with guys again. 3. Not to hurt myself. and 4, this is the one that made me have my very first breakdown, i couldn't call him my boyfriend. After he was aware of the break down I was having he tried to calm me down. Taking the conditions away, but in my mind he didnt want me. You see Juan isn't a guy who wants to break up with me. Hes scared to loose me he acts out. Sure it's painful to deal with it but, wow I am so deep inlove for this boy it's scares me, I can't loose him. and there is one thing that keeps me hanging in there, What? thats something I just can't let out. Somethings are ment to be treasured with your heart and can't leave it.
Back to today, nothing speical even happened. I think thats what made it so great, because well.. it also ment nothing went wrong minus Juan being a little down.
I dont know what it is, but I dont feel 100% about this blogg thing. I dont know if its the fear of others reading it or what. Im sure it can only get better
Till The Next Time
nicole out
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Entry Two
Dear Diary
You can only avoid so many issues in one day, that was my lesson of the day. See me and my boyfriend fight alot. Which is even harder seening how he lives in Florida well im living here in Canada. But hes this incredible, man that I just can't help but fall inlove with him over and over again. Hes made me cry more then anyone has, yet at the same time hes made me laugh and smile twice that amount that anyone has. We have been dating for 8 woderful month now, and I know this is the man I want to wake up to every morning for the rest of my life.
Back to my point, yesturday we had a slight fight which i decided to let go, I usually know when to pick my battles with Juan, and then today he had another overreation which did not last long because I told him how I know how he was, and I was fear talking, not him. rest of the day has been amazing, we even played our game together, this is a game online that we decided to do to have in common, which we only play on weekend, but tonight it ended with us all heated up saying how much we loved eachother and wanted eachother, and then soon enough it went bad. Juan went all im not the man you picture, im like baby I have seen you and you are just what I want. I dont want this skinny boy who cant protect me or this muscly guy that I will be affraid of him squashing me, no I like regular if not a little bigger guys that will make me feel safe and warm.
Another event that happened today was my brother and I decussing more about moving out into an apparentment together. I am aware i will have to live with my mother and this man for a bit, but by then I will be in theraphy, hopefully that will help.
Till Another Day
You can only avoid so many issues in one day, that was my lesson of the day. See me and my boyfriend fight alot. Which is even harder seening how he lives in Florida well im living here in Canada. But hes this incredible, man that I just can't help but fall inlove with him over and over again. Hes made me cry more then anyone has, yet at the same time hes made me laugh and smile twice that amount that anyone has. We have been dating for 8 woderful month now, and I know this is the man I want to wake up to every morning for the rest of my life.
Back to my point, yesturday we had a slight fight which i decided to let go, I usually know when to pick my battles with Juan, and then today he had another overreation which did not last long because I told him how I know how he was, and I was fear talking, not him. rest of the day has been amazing, we even played our game together, this is a game online that we decided to do to have in common, which we only play on weekend, but tonight it ended with us all heated up saying how much we loved eachother and wanted eachother, and then soon enough it went bad. Juan went all im not the man you picture, im like baby I have seen you and you are just what I want. I dont want this skinny boy who cant protect me or this muscly guy that I will be affraid of him squashing me, no I like regular if not a little bigger guys that will make me feel safe and warm.
Another event that happened today was my brother and I decussing more about moving out into an apparentment together. I am aware i will have to live with my mother and this man for a bit, but by then I will be in theraphy, hopefully that will help.
Till Another Day
Friday, February 26, 2010
Entry One
Dear. Diary,
Entry one eh, Well I guess they would have to start somewhere, I wont say to much of my past most was a lie anyways. I really am not one of those, let me tell you my problem people, maybe thats my problem I can't talk to people about my issues, to them i'm this over happy person that has no issues in life at all. Once I attempted to tell a couple people about an issue I was having, I can't really reember what it's was but the look on there face said it all, they didn't know how to deal with me when I was not smiling, so from then on I kept it in.
My father called me yesturday, the father who told me I was no longer allowed in the house with him and his alcohlic wife, cause she was scared of me, the father who i stuck by with when he was dating the girl from hell, the father who decided to take away my dog cause he was mad at me, yeah that father. He got me an appointment for a therapist. Shocking thing is when i asked for one before he pushed it off like it was nothing, now that he thinks I need it from something else hes all well sure there nicole. I really hate that.
By now your probably thinking wow, awesome father...but really its my mom, see she thinks im some child who doesn't notice, who didnt notice she left my dad cause she was cheating on him for 6 months or that she has been cheating on her new husband of 6 months for 3 months, Me and my brother Brian sat her down so she finally told the truth, and then added a we are moving in with this man soon, Shes leaving Randy (stepdad) cause he can't "love her" anymore. I just can't look at her anymore.
Can't think to write more.
Write Soon
Entry one eh, Well I guess they would have to start somewhere, I wont say to much of my past most was a lie anyways. I really am not one of those, let me tell you my problem people, maybe thats my problem I can't talk to people about my issues, to them i'm this over happy person that has no issues in life at all. Once I attempted to tell a couple people about an issue I was having, I can't really reember what it's was but the look on there face said it all, they didn't know how to deal with me when I was not smiling, so from then on I kept it in.
My father called me yesturday, the father who told me I was no longer allowed in the house with him and his alcohlic wife, cause she was scared of me, the father who i stuck by with when he was dating the girl from hell, the father who decided to take away my dog cause he was mad at me, yeah that father. He got me an appointment for a therapist. Shocking thing is when i asked for one before he pushed it off like it was nothing, now that he thinks I need it from something else hes all well sure there nicole. I really hate that.
By now your probably thinking wow, awesome father...but really its my mom, see she thinks im some child who doesn't notice, who didnt notice she left my dad cause she was cheating on him for 6 months or that she has been cheating on her new husband of 6 months for 3 months, Me and my brother Brian sat her down so she finally told the truth, and then added a we are moving in with this man soon, Shes leaving Randy (stepdad) cause he can't "love her" anymore. I just can't look at her anymore.
Can't think to write more.
Write Soon
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